(And now you're caught up on the last 27 days! )Thursday, October 29, 2009
A Ball of Conflictedness
I don't write because I feel like a big ball of contradiction and conflictedness. And typically my conflictedness comes with the gifted ability to piss someone off. Sweet skill, huh?
But what I'm slowly learning though is that people don't really want to know what your thinking when it's not the happy, happy, joy, joy types of feelings. So, then you learn to keep all these thing to yourself but eventually they start to get you. And you find yourself not wanting to say anything because anything is too much. And it's difficult to stop once you've started.
And to make it worse, my conflicted contradictions seem to be about those closest to me. No, I'm not talking about you, promise ;-) But I have issues with the SAHM, the working mom, with work, school, church, with family, even with the weather...
And what I find is that it really comes down to ALL the roles. Too many hats and my head's not the right size for any of them. Meaning that I don't fit any of them well. So, at the end of the day I give everything and accomplish nothing, always feeling as if I've failed, fallen short (no pun...), typically leaving one relationship behind.
So, what's a girl to do? Whoever said you could do it all never actually had to do it all. It's great in theory but try putting it into practice.
I guess what makes it worse is that in the end, there is nothing I can do. I just keep trudging on but in the meantime how do you keep from feeling empty and lost?
For those of you that don't like to hear me whine, I'm going to post a bunch of pics to make up for it. :-) Your welcome!
But what I'm slowly learning though is that people don't really want to know what your thinking when it's not the happy, happy, joy, joy types of feelings. So, then you learn to keep all these thing to yourself but eventually they start to get you. And you find yourself not wanting to say anything because anything is too much. And it's difficult to stop once you've started.
And to make it worse, my conflicted contradictions seem to be about those closest to me. No, I'm not talking about you, promise ;-) But I have issues with the SAHM, the working mom, with work, school, church, with family, even with the weather...
And what I find is that it really comes down to ALL the roles. Too many hats and my head's not the right size for any of them. Meaning that I don't fit any of them well. So, at the end of the day I give everything and accomplish nothing, always feeling as if I've failed, fallen short (no pun...), typically leaving one relationship behind.
So, what's a girl to do? Whoever said you could do it all never actually had to do it all. It's great in theory but try putting it into practice.
I guess what makes it worse is that in the end, there is nothing I can do. I just keep trudging on but in the meantime how do you keep from feeling empty and lost?
For those of you that don't like to hear me whine, I'm going to post a bunch of pics to make up for it. :-) Your welcome!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
He Read to Me
Tonight marks another milestone - Aiden actually read a story to me! He's so freakin' smart!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Mixing Things Up - Posting a 10 on Wednesday
1. I'm sick. It sucks. I can't decide if it's some yucky sinus issue or the beginnings of a cold. I'm leaning towards the cold - I'm just too tired and achy with a slight head. It is not the flu. You can leave your masks at home if coming to visit me.
2. Work s.u.c.k.s. Nuff said.
3. Sucks appears to the word of the day. Maybe I'll try to add it to each of the following for your enjoyment. Just kidding. I'm not feeling that creative tonight.
4. I owed the biggest library fee ever. Seriously. I promise. You better sit down for this - $110.96. Yes, can you believe it?!? I borrowed a book on CD from the library and apparently when Jamie drove my car recently he moved the seat back, breaking it in half. Just my luck, the CD is no longer in print ANYWHERE. Who knew it could be so freakin' expensive?
5. I was brave and did the grown up thing. I went to the library director to negotiate a reduced fee. Used my DR skills. Even did research so that I could ever-so-kindly argue the valid point that even if I paid the full fee, the CD set was no longer in print and it could not be replace (yes, I felt bad about this). But surprisingly, the director was way more reasonable (and friendly) than the first woman I spoke with and we were able to negotiate a very reasonable deal. Thanks Mr. Nelms!
6. Jamie just corrected me about the chronological order of events for the movie Ghost. I find that mildly amusing. Slightly concerning.
7. I'm itching to revamp our living room. Well, the entire house to be honest. But I should go one room at a time. Should probably start with the ones I still haven't finished from when we move in 4 years ago - ie our bedroom, Aiden's room, etc - but that seems too reasonable.
8. The living room seems like a good place to start. It feels too formal for my taste. I want something warm and welcoming. If you have a flair for interior design, feel free to stop by and give me some tips. Just call in advance so that I can make sure the house isn't in a destroyed state.
9. Aiden's sleeping on his top bunk tonight. That's pretty big stuff around here.
10. I'm struggling with Halloween and Christmas ideas for the kid. I want so desperately to move away from the traditional media types things. Any suggestions?
2. Work s.u.c.k.s. Nuff said.
3. Sucks appears to the word of the day. Maybe I'll try to add it to each of the following for your enjoyment. Just kidding. I'm not feeling that creative tonight.
4. I owed the biggest library fee ever. Seriously. I promise. You better sit down for this - $110.96. Yes, can you believe it?!? I borrowed a book on CD from the library and apparently when Jamie drove my car recently he moved the seat back, breaking it in half. Just my luck, the CD is no longer in print ANYWHERE. Who knew it could be so freakin' expensive?
5. I was brave and did the grown up thing. I went to the library director to negotiate a reduced fee. Used my DR skills. Even did research so that I could ever-so-kindly argue the valid point that even if I paid the full fee, the CD set was no longer in print and it could not be replace (yes, I felt bad about this). But surprisingly, the director was way more reasonable (and friendly) than the first woman I spoke with and we were able to negotiate a very reasonable deal. Thanks Mr. Nelms!
6. Jamie just corrected me about the chronological order of events for the movie Ghost. I find that mildly amusing. Slightly concerning.
7. I'm itching to revamp our living room. Well, the entire house to be honest. But I should go one room at a time. Should probably start with the ones I still haven't finished from when we move in 4 years ago - ie our bedroom, Aiden's room, etc - but that seems too reasonable.
8. The living room seems like a good place to start. It feels too formal for my taste. I want something warm and welcoming. If you have a flair for interior design, feel free to stop by and give me some tips. Just call in advance so that I can make sure the house isn't in a destroyed state.
9. Aiden's sleeping on his top bunk tonight. That's pretty big stuff around here.
10. I'm struggling with Halloween and Christmas ideas for the kid. I want so desperately to move away from the traditional media types things. Any suggestions?
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