(And now you're caught up on the last 27 days! )Thursday, October 29, 2009
A Ball of Conflictedness
I don't write because I feel like a big ball of contradiction and conflictedness. And typically my conflictedness comes with the gifted ability to piss someone off. Sweet skill, huh?
But what I'm slowly learning though is that people don't really want to know what your thinking when it's not the happy, happy, joy, joy types of feelings. So, then you learn to keep all these thing to yourself but eventually they start to get you. And you find yourself not wanting to say anything because anything is too much. And it's difficult to stop once you've started.
And to make it worse, my conflicted contradictions seem to be about those closest to me. No, I'm not talking about you, promise ;-) But I have issues with the SAHM, the working mom, with work, school, church, with family, even with the weather...
And what I find is that it really comes down to ALL the roles. Too many hats and my head's not the right size for any of them. Meaning that I don't fit any of them well. So, at the end of the day I give everything and accomplish nothing, always feeling as if I've failed, fallen short (no pun...), typically leaving one relationship behind.
So, what's a girl to do? Whoever said you could do it all never actually had to do it all. It's great in theory but try putting it into practice.
I guess what makes it worse is that in the end, there is nothing I can do. I just keep trudging on but in the meantime how do you keep from feeling empty and lost?
For those of you that don't like to hear me whine, I'm going to post a bunch of pics to make up for it. :-) Your welcome!
But what I'm slowly learning though is that people don't really want to know what your thinking when it's not the happy, happy, joy, joy types of feelings. So, then you learn to keep all these thing to yourself but eventually they start to get you. And you find yourself not wanting to say anything because anything is too much. And it's difficult to stop once you've started.
And to make it worse, my conflicted contradictions seem to be about those closest to me. No, I'm not talking about you, promise ;-) But I have issues with the SAHM, the working mom, with work, school, church, with family, even with the weather...
And what I find is that it really comes down to ALL the roles. Too many hats and my head's not the right size for any of them. Meaning that I don't fit any of them well. So, at the end of the day I give everything and accomplish nothing, always feeling as if I've failed, fallen short (no pun...), typically leaving one relationship behind.
So, what's a girl to do? Whoever said you could do it all never actually had to do it all. It's great in theory but try putting it into practice.
I guess what makes it worse is that in the end, there is nothing I can do. I just keep trudging on but in the meantime how do you keep from feeling empty and lost?
For those of you that don't like to hear me whine, I'm going to post a bunch of pics to make up for it. :-) Your welcome!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
He Read to Me
Tonight marks another milestone - Aiden actually read a story to me! He's so freakin' smart!
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