Tonight's one of those nights when you almost get a glimpse at how you thought it was all going to be. Good times that I'm sure to long for in the days ahead. Isn't it funny that sometimes it's the good times that make you feel the saddest or loneliest?
It was a great night - casual and relaxed. Perfect. Aiden and I were invited to dinner with friends who recently moved nearby. Ms. Claudia cooked a wonderful meal. I had my first taste of German schnitzel and squash fritters and loved it. And the kids, they play so great together. (minus that baseball bat incident yesterday...) We sat outside well after the sun had retired watching the boys defeat Decepticons and race jet planes.
When I was young, this is how I imagined I wanted my 'grown up life' to be. Close friends to sit and chat with while the kids run around slaying dragons and whatever wild creatures their imaginations will allow. It's being close to people, living in a real community where others know more about you than just what type of car you drive. It's neighborhood barbecues and vacationing with friends. It's dropping by on a cool evening, bring over fresh baked cookies or a bottle of wine (maybe, if you're lucky, both). It's sitting on your back porch together. It's sharing good recipes. It's watching the kids so that one of you can run to the grocery (maybe that bottle's empty, haha). It's about being real and having real friendships with those you are close to.
But modern technology has changed the traditional meaning of friendship. We type and share our entire world and greatest secrets with strangers. No longer do we sit and talk. We email, leave voice messages, or update our facebook status to let loved ones know whats going on. We discuss dinner plans, life goals, or just the color of your hightops (yes, I heard they're trying to make a comeback) with someone you haven't seen, face-to-face, in 15 years or ever for that matter. We type to communicate rather than talk, we post pictures so that our 'friends' can see us and who we are, we blog our thoughts, we tweet a play by play of our day. But are we friends? I mean, real friends? What does it mean to be a friend in today's modern society? Have we isolated ourselves by use of technology to the point where real physical friends (ones that you can see and touch) are an endangered species?
Even for myself, I realize that my 'physical friend' list is dwindling. Just like other stages in life, I've reached the one where friends have married, maintain some success in their career or family and now want to venture and capture something of their own. I'm not bashing because I complete understand and want these things as well. But now that they are all beginning to leave, it makes here (if you could see me, I'd be pointing to my heart, awww...) a lonely place to be.
And even times like tonight when I have a chance to experience this glimpse, it feels awkward. At times I nearly find girl talk awkward. Something that use to be so second nature to me now feels forced, no longer real. Where did it go? Is it lost in cyberspace? How do I reclaim what use to be? How do I reclaim a dream that is fading?
1 comment:
Cherish the moments....I have friends but at this stage in my life they are more long distant relationships but they are friends none the less. I have often said that when your friends are not around your sisters are. Hopefully that relationship will strenghten in due time also... I love it when we do things together. As a mom of grown children it is truly the times that I spend with you girls and your families and your dad that are the most priceless. I savor those moments. I have opted to give up a lot with the life style that I have but my faith and my family are the two things in my life I cherish the most and will not sacrifice. My love to you and yours - Mom
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